Hello all and welcome to another installment of the CSL weekly interview series! I apologize for the delays in these coming out, and hopefully we'll be all caught-up on responses and formatting soon! Again, if your team is interested in doing an interview, especially in these last two weeks of divisional play, send an email to cstarleague@gmail.com and we'll set you up for one soon!

This week we're bringing you an interview with the only and only Rutgers CSL team, a team known for its bad-manner, trash-talking and trouble with the law. Find out what they have to say about their performance this season, the Eddie Sun incident, and why they're so terrible at SC! Hint: It starts with a D and ends with an otA.

Warning: this interview is rated R for adult themes, adult activity, hard language, suggested violence, sexually-oriented nudity and drug abuse... Also, it is fairly text-heavy (given the content, it would be safer not to post the relevant pictures.) Viewers beware.

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Okay, so let's start at the beginning and have everyone introduce themselves.

AD: I'm Artem Dedov (fanatacist), international bad boy and captain of Rutgers team, hit me up for that fire
KP: Hello, I'm Kishan Pandya, aka NexuS aka God aka Dictator aka Emperor aka anything-else-that-implies-superiority. I'm the best player in this league (though it's debatable because of NonY and JF). Lastly, zChen's win was a fluke.
HO: Hi my name is Hyung Oh and I am best known as clazziquai on TL/iccup. I play T and my best rank is C.
CB: Hi, my name is Cody Bruno and my aka is Kuzai. I try to smash D level noobs on ICCUP.

Maybe one of you should introduce your coordinator instead, since he keeps leaving the chatroom?

DL (via proxy): Hi, My name is David Luk aka [RUTGERS]DIMS. I am a c- terran that hates protoss scumbags.
AD: Dims is a pussy turtle terran who wins by luck and loses through lack of skill; his name is Dixie Normus
CB: Dims, Dave Luk, tries to command us by being president but goes 0-3 against an inactive member of our team. He gets really angry, it's funny.
KP: His name is David Luk, we all refer to him as serf, he's probably the 2nd worst player on the team, he's fairly ugly looking, but at least, he's a nice guy.
AD: Also does mad roids.
HO: He also does more squats than you.
AD: Not as many as your mom on my dick.

That's like 5 people out of 9 though, what about everyone else?

KP: The others are serfs, so move on.
AD: The rest of team is on probation for sucking too much.

You guys were pretty strong last season. What's been going on with you this season; what's with your two losses?
AD: I got caught smurfing, team needs me, tried to replace me with scrubs, caught the heat for it, and Kishan lost to scrubs.
CB: Our overconfidence led to our losses, if we took our matches a little more seriously, we'd stomp them.
KP: We were strong last season because the mercenary system applied. However, this season, unfortuntately, that rule has been cut out. The loss at Princeton was simply unfortunate and certainly a FLUKE (the biggest fluke ever), and then vs Binghamton... well.. let's just say one of our players got MC'd (that degenerate Yifu).
HO: Overconfidence and the lack of practice. dims places us on maps without really asking us and we pretty much never take practice seriously during our club meetings. also astro stop fucking playing dota!
DL: Hmm, most likely a lack of preparation in these matches and that the competition has grown since last year. Plus I have a bunch of chokers like Clazz and Nexus. LOL!
HO: Fucker.
CB: I also blame our losses on Astro playing DOTA and HoN instead of SC. Scrub.
AD: It's true though, Nexus chokes almost as hard as Clazz did when he was flying high at Princeton last semester.
KP: FUCK ZCHEN AND HIS GLORY DAYS - TELL HIM SEE ME bo5 SON; THEN WE SEE
AD: Then we see who has had less sex in their lives.
HO: ~_~ Next question? Before kishan gets all butthurt.

So wait, you guys lose 2:3 to Princeton which I can understand since they've been doing so well, but 1:3 vs Binghamton?
KP: Yup...
AD: Clazz is the continuous culprit. He's been playing DotA like a scrub.
HO: Well, Binghamton has solid koreans now, not to mention we gave them a free win by sending one of our worst terrans on the team... so they got lucky pretty much.
KP: Simply put: Rutgers has one of the top forieigners on its team. that already puts us at a high pedastol, so LOSS or not we shall triumph.
AD: A pedestal that prevents us from being able to spell pedestal.
KP: NEXT QUESTION.

What do you think about this week (week 6) against GMU? Any predictions there?
DL: 3-0 of course, I never expected to lose a game in our division. But anything can happen as we seen from the past two weeks.
CB: I think if Astro actually plays this week and the other members want to win, we can smash them.
AD: GMU has a few good players, Storr and LuckyFool if I remember correctly, it all depends on whether or not Clazz/Kishan will decide to scrub out, and which one of our 4 inferior noobs we send for the available spot on the line-up.
HO: Against GMU i think we have a fairly good shot at winning. We just need to look out for LuckyFool/Storr. Also if Astro gets in shape then we have an even better chance at winning.
KP: I slam LuckyFool (easy), someone loses to storr, RU beats one of their guys, so we have 2 wins, then it doesn't matter what happens. It'll probably go to ace at which point I rape LuckyFool again. Simple. Rutgers wins 3-2.
DL: 3-0 of course, I never expected to lose a game in our division. But anything can happen as we seen from the past two weeks.

Anyway... here's a question that might be on our readers minds: does Eddie Sun actually exist?

AD: Eddie Sun exists in the hearts and souls of all who have been wronged by the man.
CB: Eddie Sun is a real person, just not as white or Russian as this one.
DL: Yes, hes my apartmentmate. I was going to bring him along to the Princeton Rutgers Match, but he could not get out of work. :-( He plays protoss too! :-D

So it was just artem pretending to be Asian? I'd never thought he'd sink so low. (note: the interviewer never promised to be unbiased)

AD: I figured I needed to mask my gosu abilities under the name of an Asian person to minimize suspicion. I actually killed him and stole his identity just for CSL.

So you wore his skin and everything?

KP: Who cares about the Eddie Sun fiasco? Eddie Sun is an ugly mongrel, Artem gets bitches.
KP: That's all. CASE CLOSED, next question.
AD: I wear the skin of all my fallen enemies.
KP: And then you sell the skin on e-bay afterwads.

(And now, for a brief interlude...)

AD: Stop talking, you're only D+ on BMCup; go back home.
KP: I'm #1 kespa on BMcup; who are you fooling? Kids want to resort to physical violenlce when i start BMing, as we've seen TWICE.

AD: Are you getting Gretorp flashbacks again, or is this some sort of sexual innuendo mixed with masochism? I can't tell.

KP: No, Rudolf on BST threatened to come to NJ, and kill me and my whole family. I said, "I eat koreans for breakfast lunch and dinner" and Rudolf didn't get the figurative expression, and now wnats to kill me and my family.
AD: Just tell him that you eating koreans is like him eating dogs and that he needs to stop bitching about it.

I think I'm going to have to do some severe editing after I'm done with this interview... Why are y'all so BM?
AD: If you have to censor that then this CSL organization is just as big brother as I am, which is unacceptable. What is so wrong about saying that he needs to stop eating dogs when he threatened our player for his life?
CB: Asking our team why we're BM cannot be a question.
AD: I think we're toning it down. Dietary choices < murder intent.

Okay, so... most memorable game so far?
CB: Mike Chen smashing Kishan.
HO: Mike Chen beating Kishan easily.
AD: Shooting down the dreams and aspirations of Princeton with gosu arbiter-no-obs build in season two.

KP: How the hell is our team losing memorable? You guys are iidots.
AD: Because whenever your ego descends to stratosphere level, it's an occasion the entire world can celebrate.

CB: Any time I watch opponents try to cheese us, then they crash and burn is pretty funny.
KP: Well I think any game where i use my infamous 'say gg before they do' and say "Get out" is a game to be remembered.
AD: I know you like to focus on your wins against scrubs

How do you guys practice?

KP: We practice by calling each other serfs and creating a hierarchy system.
CB: And try to BM each other.
KP: I think I started that in the club I feel like everyone was so nice and humble until I came around and now we say DEGEN all day long.
HO: We have a meeting every friday, we'll play like maybe 30 min worth of sc, and the rest cursing each other off and the other team.

You mentioned you have a club; does your school even know you exist?

HO: Yes, but our club is really small.
CB: Geeks come, but never come back. I think they witness our BM and become afraid.
AD: I do not associate with anyone who has not felt the caress of a woman's touch.

What about those that have felt... a MAN'S TOUCH?

AD: Those can meet me in my room at 2AM.
CB: They actually migrate from Kishan to Artem's house. Back and forth, like pong.
AD: Kishan thinks he's the hottest shit in town, but if you knew the things I know you'd be scoffin. He'd have to change his alias to [rutgers]getnone
KP: FUCK U SON, I'M A GOD DAMN G, SON; KIDS BOW AND GROVEL TO ME
AD: So we are adding pedophilia to the list? I wonder what happens to them when they are bending over bowing.

HO: A classic example of artem keeping kishan IN CHECK.
AD: I think I have gained 500 points on BMCup today
HO: Artem, highest rank??
AD: Special Olympics. Kishan's still D+, maybe D now after this chat.

Alright, a question specifically for Artem. If you still play with the team how does Xeris/CSL know you're not still up to your old tricks?
AD: He doesn't. I actually play all 3 races, and I can change my hotkeys, I just forgot; was too wasted.

CB: Are there any other BM teams like us? If so, can you arrange a set?
NONE OF THEM ARE LIKE YOU. The closest I can even think of is UVic and they were pretty manner in their interview.
CB: There has to be 1 team like us.
HO: If any other team thinks they are bm as us, they are welcome to challenge us, cuz they will get smashed EZ.

Even if there were another BM team like you, I wouldn't really know. Y'all are just so open about it; it's like walking into the gay community.

AD: I am open about my sexuality, I can give a man a hug and not feel bad about how I wish it was a woman because I get enough of that, unlike the rest of you closed-anus girls.
KP: The main thing is this: NO ONE IN THE HISTORY OF BW has bm'd so bad that kids want to resort to physical violence... EXCEPT ME
AD: That is like saying "no one has ever 4 pooled like I have on iccup"; you basically used the most basic of nerdrage responses as your achievement.

What are your thoughts about SC2?

AD: SC2 is the shit. I can't tell if it will be as good for pro sports as SC1, but I know for a fact it will replace SC1.
CB: SC2 looks cool, entirely different than SC though. Still a good game
HO: I haven't played SC2 but it looks pretty good. I'll play it when it actually comes out, for now ill stick with BW.
KP: I hate SC 2, and I hate Artosis. I thought I'd throw in the tidbit about Artosis.

AD: Kishan, stop trying to shake off all the shit I flung on you onto people who aren't even here. That's the lowest form of BM, against people who can't even nerdrage after you butthurt them. It's just a cry for attention from a boy who never got any... in both ways.
KP: I'M DOING IMPROTANT THIGNS RIGHT NOW
AD: Does it involve tweezers, a microscope, and your average APM maginified on MSPaint?
KP: Something like that.

Okay, so, I think I think I'll wrap things up around here...

AD: Er. We haven't even talked about anything.
KP: Make sure you tell everyone in CSL that I say they all suck and if anyone wants bo5, they're welcome.
AD: Kishan how about a Bo5 against your ego? I bet you will never win.
CB: Tell zchen to tell everyone how Kishan lost; we can summon Kishan's ego this way.
AD: I don't know - like a woman scorned, hell hath no fury like a fallen ego. He might use the power of delusion to rise to new heights and encompass all of us. Then we will all have Chuck Norris beards
CB: This was a good interview. More BM than I could have imagined.

Any last words?

KP: Last words: FUCK THIS INTERVIEW I'M OUT SON
CB: ok, so last words. . .Kishan's a geek and gets owned by zchen.
HO: Last words: GO RUTGERS!
AD: To Xeris: check the hotkeys of every match that Rutgers plays in from now on, I am going to try to draw pictures using my hotkeys on BWchart. To Mona: you fiiiine girl. To CSL: loosen up a bit and give me some love, I just want to stomp scrubs legitimately without having to smurf over and over again. I can do this for years. <3 bye all